funny Archives · Universal Quotation

Published by the Editor in Milton Glaser

If an ass goes traveling, He’ll not come back a horse.
Thomas Fuller

Published by the Editor in Thomas Fuller

I often can’t tell if people are at peace or just being dull.
Heinrich Karl “Charles” Bukowski

Published by the Editor in Charles Bukowski

Downtown L.A. looks like they started to build Chicago and then gave up…and let it become a sprawling suburb.
Gary Oldman

Published by the Editor in Gary Oldman

If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
David Sedaris

Published by the Editor in David Sedaris

Committee—a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
Milton Bearle

Published by the Editor in Milton Bearle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Bearle

Published by the Editor in Milton Bearle

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
W. Somerset Maugham

Published by the Editor in Somerset Maugham